Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Wings and Things Power Rankings: Week 3

The most delicious grub in Stamford: the High School from Garden Catering, in honor of DandyBoy.

1)  Vlad Ducasse -- As Tommy Satran aka Satchy Satch said, Danny is the best teammate.  I put him at the top of the power rankings and he made sure to make me look good for doing so.  Soom's mouth tastes like foot because Big Vlad gave the Shape Ups the business.  Amish Rifle and Ray Rice got 20 apiece, but even more impressive is the work that Dandyboy does to get 19 and 18 points from Jimmy Graham and Tim Hightower, respectively.

2)  Softer Knocks --  The matchup of the week did not disappoint, but Timmy's Golden Boy QB's were no match for Joe.  Matt Stafford, beast QB of the 3-0 Lions has passed for 977 yards, 9 TD's , and only 2 picks through the first three games.  At this point, we can safely say that the former Elite 11 favorite of Football Jukes (below, far right), is officially and Elite NFL QB as long as he can stay healthy.  The Knocks look strong even in the wake of Jamaal Charles' injury thanks to Jermichael Finley (who scored 31 points last week) and the man who is on pace to gain over 2,000 yards receiving this season.

The guys on the ends are really cool.  The guy second from left, not so much.

3)  G-MEN --  Tough week for the league as the real G-MEN won a big game and Craig and Scott also won.  Craig claims that Rob Gronkowski was the pick of the draft and at this point he has a case, but let's see what these guys do this week and going forward without a second starting QB.  That's a lot of pressure on A-Rod and Purple Jesus.

4)  Beefcakes --  Despite losing to Joe, 176-145, and losing the top spot in the rankings after only one short week, Timmy managed to coach his two QB's, Brady and Sanchez, to almost the exact same score (27.98 and 27.96).  That is impressive.  Not so impressive: WR's Mike Williams, DeSean Jackson and Deion Branch combining for fewer points than David Nelson's 12.9 (Let's go Buff-a-lo!).  Up this week: rivalry matchup with EO the Truth to see once and for all who is more athletic.

5)  Dream Shake--  Listen Will, I know you took my number on the Conn College Camels and look up to me for guidance on how to get injured all the time and yet still try to play hoops, but you should know that fantasy football is NOT an area in which you want to be like me.  Having four guys get you under five points is no way to go through life, so I'd suggest you tell Andy Dalton, Hakeem Nicks, Steve Smith and Dallas Clark to shape up or ship out, or else you might just be in position to give my crappy squad its first win this week.

6)  Kiss the Baby --  Demps took the sucky player strategy a step further last week, playing three guys (Hillis, Aaron Hernandez, Jets D) who came away with zero points.  He came away with the win, though, because he was playing the Truth and because Ryan Matthews went off for 30 points.  Matthews is another Steal Of The Draft candidate as a 6th round pick.

7)  RI Bulldogs --  Some fun numbers from my matchup with Ty Finks:

After the 1 o'clock games ended, he was beating me, 116-8.

Wes Welker's 47.6 points were a point short of half my team's total.

Fred Jackson and Drew Brees both went over 25 also, meaning Ty beat me with three players.

It's tough to put the team I originally had #1 this far down the list, but the difference between 7th and 5th is not much and the tiebreaker had to go to the teams with the winning records.

8) Know-Shon? --  The winner of the closest game of the week gets the edge over his Week 3 foe (fist raise for Dudley folks) and #9 Football Jukes.  He only won by 1.11 points (118.10-119.21) and this was an extremely difficult decision.  After going back and forth, weighing the impact of Kenny Britt's season-ending injury, I decided that the 2-1 record, plus the fact that Arian Foster has produced nothing and should only get better get the advantage over Jukes' gritty bunch.

9) Football Jukes -- He lost and the critics are coming back out to call him the "Same ol' football  jukes," but we would be silly to dismiss him.  He has the best RB duo in Darren McFadden (another 32 points in Week 3) and MJD and Cam & Kolb are always a threat to throw for 400.  Big test coming up this weekend against Big Vlad Ducasse.

10)  Tomlin's Shape Up --  Soom and Faj put all their eggs in the Mike Vick basket, and like you might expect with a guy who weighs 120 pounds and plays behind a questionable offensive line, that has led to some injury issues thus far.  Sam Bradford has no weapons to throw to and Mike Tolbert looks like he's losing touches to Ryan Matthews, so the taller men in my family better be hoping for big things from Shonn Greene and Montario Hardesty, a Jukes 2010 favorite.

11)  #4 Great Teammate --  If the Truth weren't so busy fighting off sheet metal unions from protesting outside the EB O'Reilly corporate headquarters and longing for more babes in the HVAC industry, he might explode from the angst his sucky team has produced.  Hopefully Rivers and Roddy White and LGBT pick things up or the city of Philadelphia is in big trouble.

12)  Roger Goodell --  I'm in last place.  As I mentioned earlier, I was losing, 116-8 after the early games.  I'm not sure what, exactly, is the problem, but there is most definitely some sort of problem here. I invested heavily in the Falcons offense and Matt Ryan is playing like the PHilly/BC softy he is, but Tony Gonzalez and Julio should be good.  My running back situation is sketchy so if anyone has a good one available, let me know.  Nothing more to write here, I gotta go scan the waiver wire for some good players.


Tim Finkle said...

1. That grub looks greasy and fatty and a gas producer. But tough to follow up beef on weck or buffalo wings. Stamford is so lame, so I guess its expected
2. Why do people use the same fantasy names each year? Vlad Ducasse is not a good joke anymore, hard/soft knocks wasnt a show this season, G-MEN really?, Charlie is the only one who changes, though roger gooddell isn't that good since he's a huge douche.
3. I hope you all watched that you-tube clip of the Bills Shout song, such a nice tune.
4. How can G-Men be ranked above me? I crush them always. Craig is stupid/nonexistent in NYC and Gronkowski will split catches and TD's when Hernandez is back.
5. Jukes is ranked too low
6. Ed Truth had an Eagle in his Golf outing that we were too pussy to skip work for. Well I wasn't, but Jukes and Char had "work to do"
7. Soom is a giant gay and nobody in the DC area cares that he is turning 20-something. You and Char need to get up to Watch Hill, RI next weekend.
8. Where is Faj?
9. Demps - what do you think of a Bills vs Pack superbowl? We could get all amped on 5HE before the game.

Demps said...

How do you like that boys?....three players with no points and I still grab the win. And I swiped the upstart Torrey Smith off the waiver wire.

I channeled my "Inner Guy" during that Ryan Matthews pick by the way.

Demps said...

And sure Timmy - I'd love a Bills v Pack superbowl.

Hey - did you hear that your QB went to Harvard??

Some of us can't think of funny names every year. That's why we stick with names that aren't funny at all.

Ty said...

How def was it when Wes Welker went for 47 points and the Bills still won?

I wish I was at McFaddens on 42nd for that one!

Tim, Gretchen missed you im sure. Anyone gonna be in Watch Hill this weekend? Golf?

John Hendrie said...

Holy crap. Josh Freeman is so big.

Anonymous said...

I don't even know how to respond to criticism of Stamford or Garden Catering. Bing, I respect your opinion of my team and of Stamford. Tim, you are from somewhere near Buffalo? Why would anyone even want to be from somewhere near Buffalo? And why don't you tell Vlad Ducasse you don't like his name to his face?

EO the false. In the bottom of the standings where he belongs. Commish, I expect better results from you going forward.

Will Lyons said...

1) char, dont let the rankings end...ever.
2) i'll be giving my sub 5 point players a great tom satran like pre-game speech before this i am sure they will be asleep by gametime
3) danny, i dont think anyone can actaully look at vlad ducasse in the face and live to tell about it...the man is a gremlin/gargoyle
4) the bills will finish with 7 wins
5) char i may have took your number but i believe ive set the mark for continuous injuries while trying to relive and resurrect my hoop dreams
6) when are you all taking a west coast trip?
7) im just here for the bud light

Charlie Widdoes said...

these comments are even better than the rankings themselves, and i must admit i've been pumping out some quality rankings even if the top spot changes every week -- shows how much i know about football and/or fantasy. please everyone send me pics or ideas or anything that i can incoporate into the rankings if you so desire. also airyone would be wise to check out the other awesome content that we have to offer here on the blog.

Tim Finkle said...

I hope the Bills finish with 7 wins! That's improvement!

Anyone noticed how Soom went missing as soon as his team went sucky?

Where do I find the hockey blog material on this site???

Charlie Widdoes said...

you gotta write it

Will Lyons said...

Tim- 1) what is hockey? 2) forget the bills shout song and get on your stevie johnson-

future prediction- stevie johnson will be broke in 5-7 years

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